19 December 2014

Sony is a whore.

To be fair, all for-profit organizations sell themselves. That's capitalism. The difference with Sony is that their crack whore methods will do so even if it means degrading themselves and the people they typically expose themselves to. All so they can earn that extra slimy buck.

You know the background: Sony was hacked, supposedly by someone in North Korea, because their organization likes to store all corporate passwords in a text file labeled "don't open me because I contain all of our passwords". As a result, said hacker managed to obtain just about every piece of confidential information that Sony has, including all personnel records, emails saying how much the CEO loves screwing over their customers and Kazuo Hirai's Snapchat's. (The hackers, of course, returned the latter.)

These brilliant computer geniuses, with expertise to read a document containing passwords, decided blackmail was the best option and emailed that if Sony releases the movie "The Interview" they would release even more confidential information and kill anyone attending the movie. Apparently this Seth Rogen comedy is insulting to those living in North Korea and this hacker was born without as sense of humor. You would think Sony would respond with a quick "Well then move, bitches. Oh wait - you can't because you live in totalitarian septic wasteland called North Korea." and include a nude selfie of Hirai's backside. But ... No.

Word has it that "The Interview" is not very funny and the American cinemas have been facing less traffic this holiday season. The Suits determined that no one would watch a movie when North Korea is threatening to hurt you (I know, I cannot believe I typed that, either), so the big movie chains said they would not show it. And since Sony was wearing their tightest fitting whore panties that day, they cancelled the release indefinitely. The small mom and pop cinemas (yes, they do still exist), smelling the American Exceptional-ism pot of gold, opted to show an old North Korea complementary flick called "Team America" but the parent company, Paramount, told them they would not allow it.

You might be mistaken into believing that the Motion Picture Association, Sony and all of the big organizations showing regurgitated Peter Jackson special effect bloopers might have done this because they were afraid of North Korea and the hackers. Perhaps we could even forgive them if they did. But no. They did it for the insurance money.

Since they already had an indication that the movie was not going to be a hit and given that ticket sales were already slumping, they decided to ride the easy train to a claim check for the cost of creating the film or the estimation by the movie house on how many tickets would be sold. Yes - all of these companies are actually making money from their decision to coat America in a French military greeting: The white flag. (Don't worry, France. That may become our new flag, soon.) It is a perfect win-win. The whore gets a paycheck and we are left to clean up her sticky mess.

"The Interview" could have been the highest grossing movie of the season purely due to American hubris. We might have loaded up the cinemas and the biggest laugh would have been the thought that North Korea had any power over us. Instead, North Korea is laughing at us. And rightly so.

Can we move Sony headquarters to North Korea, please?