kill the toner cartridge salesman 13 august, 2001 by johnmichael patrick monty monteith

You can search the computer magazines everywhere and find these columnists talking about computer industry rip-off artists. You can read about crooked Internet Service Providers that will claim to set up DSL service for you in remote areas for ridiculous set-up charges, and then never hear from them again. Or others that will supposedly set up a domain name and web site for you, but also never be heard from after the expensive initial check is received. There are also rip-off software vendors, of which some might say Microsoft and their Windows ME (and perhaps XP) operating systems would qualify. But any person that really works as an Information Technology Manager knows the worst rip-off artist around: The Toner Cartridge Salesman.

I know. I know. "Toner Cartridge Salesman? You're really out on a limb here, Monty."

Actually, I am not. Find a friend that is an I.S. Manager somewhere and ask them how many calls they get a week from people selling toner cartridges. If they are lesser known, only subscribing to a couple of publications, they might get one or two calls a month. If they subscribe to many publications, and are pretty well known in the field, they could get one or two calls (or more) a day. I should know. I do.

They always start the same (my last actual conversation):

Me: "Johnmichael speaking."
TCS: "Hello Mr. Michaels."
Me: "Hello."
TCS: "How are you doing today?"
Me: "Fine if you are not selling toner cartridges."
TCS: "Excuse me?"
Me: "Most people introduce themselves before asking how I am. So it was my guess that you are trying to sell toner cartridges. If not, I'm sorry."
TCS: "Well, Mr. Michaels, you are not quite right. I am selling a revolutionary new product."
Me: "As long as it is not a toner cartridge, I will listen."
TCS: "Well, it is not, really. It is an amazing new double-capacity printer cartridge that will last two to three times longer than anything you have every used before. Guaranteed."
Me: "We do not order printer supplies unless we initiated the call."
TCS: "Why is that?"
Me: "Because I get three calls from people like you selling revolutionary new toner cartridges at ten times the cost, and I do not order anything from you guys."
TCS: "Well, it does not cost anywhere near that much. And, if you order just five to try out, we will send you a free gift as our appreciation to you."
Me: "I'm sorry. Am I speaking English? I have told you three times now that I do not deal with toner cartridge salesman. You guys took my company for thousands of dollars, and are the lowest scum -"
TCS: [click]
She hung up on me.

It is just as well. She was the third call I received last Friday from toner salesman, and I was sick of them.

Now, those of you thinking I was unduly hard on the poor girl, please wait until you get to the end. I was not upset with these salesmen because they phone me so often. I receive dozens of cold vendor calls a day, so the calls themselves are not the problem. The problem is that these people are thieves. Literally.

These are companies that change their name and move locations every few months due to the number of complaints and lawsuits that pop up against them. They are truly fly-by-night organizations. Why?

1. While they claim their ribbons or toner cartridges last twice (three times, four times) as long, in fact they are refurbished cartridges and ribbons that do not last as long as OEM product.
2. The cost for these products is often ten to twenty times as much as what you could find at CompUSA. (Yes, really.)
3. They will sometimes leave a message on your voicemail saying they thought you asked for another shipment, when you have not talked to them.
4. When confronted by your finance department, they will say that you had authorized the amount and price, even when you have no idea that it would cost ten times more than what you could purchase at a store.

How does one recognize these thieves?
1. Free gifts. Often offering television sets, computers, cleaning kits, and even money.
2. They always tell you that these toner cartridges or printer ribbons last far longer than normal cartridges, which justifies the ridiculous price.
3. They are unlikely to tell you the cost. They will cover that up by offering you gifts or money.
4. If they speak to the front desk they will not only ask your name but the name of the person who previously held your position. They will tell you they previously took orders from that person. (Always a lie.)
5. They might tell you that before your predecessor left that they made an order with them and due to a computer glitch they forgot to send it. They will ask if you agree to go forward with that order. (Always a lie.)

Bottom line is if you ever receive a call from someone who wants to sell you toner cartridges of ribbons, tell them to take a hike. In fact, tell them even worse. Tell them off. Call them thieves and liars. Now, while it will not keep them from calling again, it will make that particular person wait until you are no longer working there.

Of course, you will still hear from others since there are hundreds, perhaps thousands, of these thieves out there. And they will not be going away any day soon. There are too many people out there that have no idea about these thieves. They hear that their predecessor ordered cartridges from these people, and they just say 'yes' to get them off the phone. Next thing they know the finance department gets a five thousand dollar bill for a dozen cartridges. It is not until the third one, a few months later, that the finance department starts to get suspicious.

I have had two of my staff ripped off from these places, and I cannot blame them. Anyone could be. Even you.

What amuses me the most is that none of the major computer publications says a word about these rip off artists. I speculate that these people steal two thousand every other year from every company. That translates into a major theft situation that most companies never even notice. Why would all of the major computer magazines ignore this? Because they have no idea it is going on. They are not real computer technicians. They do not work as I.T. professionals. And the toner cartridge salesman would never be stupid enough to call up a Zdnet publication.

Even if you never read about these thieves, you will just need to trust me that they are out there. A lot of them. Warn your staff, and be on the lookout when you receive your next cold call.